The Hurt & the Healer

I was just going through all the cards you all have sent me & it's rather overwhelming, in a mighty way. I am humbled by the support, flowers, meals & prayers you all have blessed me with. From close family, to relatives I haven't seen in years, friends nearby & across the country, Sunday school members to small group ladies, fellow volleyball officials to even the coaches I officiate for. Wow. God has used each of you to touch my heart, so I thank you for being willing to be used, even if you didn't realize it. You have been His hands & His feet in service & faith. I cannot express that enough. It's been about a week since my last update. And an interesting week it's been. I've been busy doing a whole lot of nothing. Lots of resting bc I am SO tired. The week started out well at least - I was able to make it to church for service. So glad I did. I ran into folks from my Sunday school class (Family Matters - I miss you all!) and was so encouraged by those conversations. Thank you. Worship that day was poignant as well. It was so nice to just stand & worship & be in Gods presence. I will miss that tomorrow - I've got a head cold, so add that to chemo & it's best I stay home & away from crowds. =( And that brings me to the chemo.

I started treatment with my first infusion on Tuesday. Praise the Lord, it went very well! The Lord blessed me - the premedication did its job wonderfully & I did not have any tummy reactions to the actual chemo! I started my pills the next day & again, have been blessed by no tummy reactions. I am so grateful for that blessing (& for Zofran). Thank you for all the prayers around that issue - I HATE tummy issues, so that was my biggest fear. Yet agagin, God has come through. On a quick note back to His financial provisions, when I picked up my chemo prescription, my copay was $10 as mentioned. But the drug company is willing to pick up 80% of that! So I pay $2!!!! Wait, there's more - the actual cost is not $2000 per round. It's $2866! So God faithfully provided $2864 per round x 6 rounds = $17,184 in provisions from our Savior!!! Again, I'm blown away...

Speaking of blown away - I have had the pleasure of a head cold (had to find a transition there...) so it's been hard to tell if my fatigue is from continued surgery recovery, chemo, the cold, or some combination. There is one side effect I know for sure is from my infusion chemo: the nurse recommended I avoid ice in my drinks...yea, I didn't realize to what extent she meant. Upon leaving my infusion, I took a drink of cold water & it burnt almost. I took a drink of a large coke from McDs on the way home (my addiction - I LOVE me some fountain Coke!) and it felt like fireworks in my mouth & a pine cone down my throat. I now have an extreme sensitivity in touch & taste to anything colder than room temperature. So painful & so sad! I feel like I lost a best friend - mo more fountain cokes or iced trenta sweet black tea lemonades...*sigh*. I at least figured out I could order the iced tea without any ice & it's just bearable enough to enjoy. Lol! I actually try to focus & laugh about silly things like that.

Satan has been working overtime trying to discourage me. I will wake up at night & thoughts of cancer & all that comes with it, come flooding into my head. Thank you again, dear friend (you know who you are), for speaking truth at a MOPS meeting about taking those thoughts captive. By His strength, I take those thoughts captive, put them out of my mind & replace them with prayer. But it's not easy. Which is why I enjoy gong through all those cards you have sent. Verses you have written, song lyrics, even a CD sent my way, really help me focus where I need to focus - on Christ. My comfort, strength, peace & healer. Healer. He is my healer. The one & only healer. He heals my body, my spirit, heart & my mind. All have been battered pretty badly. All are in His hands. And all are being healed. Today I was in the car & a new song by Mercy Me came on. I love how God uses music to speak directly to me when there's a lot of noise distracting me sometimes. And sure enough, it's a prayer my heart prays without me being able to find the words. And more often than not, I'm not good with words & just pray for God to see my heart. This song is about as close to my heart as I can get. Thank you Mercy Me for being used to put words to my heart. And God, I know You are & will use this for Your glory. I know I will walk out of this with a much deeper relationship wih You. I know You will bring me through this to raise the daughters you blessed me with. But in pure honesty, I look towards the day when You say "it's over now" & allow me the sweet joy of simply living this life for You on ths earth, bc this battle is really hard...

So that's my song today: "The Hurt and The Healer" by Mercy Me (on a new CD to be released soon)

Why? The question that is never far away 

The healing doesn’t come from the explained 

Jesus please don’t let this go in vain 

You’re all I have All that remains 

So here I am 

What’s left of me 

Where glory meets my suffering 

I’m alive 

Even though a part of me has died 

You take my heart and breathe it back to life 

I’ve fallen into 

Your arms open wide 

When the hurt and the Healer collide 

Breathe 

Sometimes I feel it’s all that I can do 

Pain so deep that I can hardly move 

Just keep my eyes completely fixed on You 

Lord take hold and pull me through 

So here I am 

What’s left of me 

Where glory meets my suffering

Chorus

It’s the moment when humanity 

Is overcome by majesty 

When grace is ushered in for good 

And all the scars are understood 

When mercy takes its rightful place 

And all these questions fade away 

When out of the weakness we must bow 

And hear You say “It’s over now” 

Chorus

Jesus come and break my fear 

Awake my heart and take my tears 

Find Your glory even here 

When the hurt and the healer collide [x2]

Jesus come and break my fear 

Awake my heart and take my tears 

Find Your glory even here