THE DOC TOOK HER APPENDIX TOO

JEN IS IN A GREAT DEAL OF PAIN, EVEN WITH MORPHINE. SHE STILL HAS HER SARCASM THOUGH.

JEN IS IN RECOVERY. THANK YOU FOR ALL YOUR PRAYERS. PLEASE CONTINUE TO PRAY.

THE SURGEON IS A JOKER

JEN IS IN PREP FOR SURGERY

Battle Time

On my way to the hospital... Thank you for your promises today Father. I know You've got this. "You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you, because he trusts in you. Trust in the Lord forever, for the Lord God is an everlasting rock. "(Isaiah 26:3-4) While I am at a subdued place with God's peace right now, I am also a natural born athlete. So my competitive spirit is in there & ready to do this. It game time. Or rather, battle time. I may be battling on the physical front, but I know & deeply believe there is a spiritual battle raging as well. So I will do my part in both the physical & spiritual relm. Your part? Yes, each one of you praying is fighting this battle with me & for me too. Prayers empower the angels - so pray pray pray! And the victory belongs to our GOD! "The horse is made ready for the day of battle, but the victory belongs to the Lord." (Proverbs 21:31)

Surgery Set

We're a go.  My surgeon just called this morning.  I am scheduled for surgery tomorrow, Tuesday, at 1:30pm.  For those of you praying, would you mind praying a bit early?  I'm rather anxious about it all & I think the time frame from 12:00, when I arrive at the hospital, until I go back will be the most difficult for me. 

Specific Requests:

1. Peace.  Not to be anxious.  That Philippians 4:4-9, 19 will be resounding in my ears, my head & my heart. 
2. No complications with medication.  I'm a lightweight & don't do meds much.  The strongest thing I've ever taken has been Tylenol, Motrin or an antibiotic.  I had both of my babies w/o anything, so the meds themselves are a new, uncharted territory for me.
3. Wisdom for Dr. Arthur Woodward & the nurses, anesthesiologist, etc.
4. My girls.  I think their spirit senses something isn't right.  Pray Kayla has a joyful day at preschool, Leah brings smiles to the waiting room & both of them enjoy spending time with family.
5. Jason.  He's going to read this & be mad at me (or maybe not.. I mean, he can't really be mad at me right now, right?)  But he is a very quiet person about things.  And he doesn't like to burden me.  Pray God brings him whatever he needs - peace, encouragement, strength.  This is not something the "average" 28 year old couple, married 5 1/2 years, faces together.  
6. That God will be GLORIFIED in this.

Praises:

1. Surgery was able to be scheduled quickly.  I originally scheduled an appointment with the surgeon my GI suggested - he couldn't "fit me in" to just talk until this coming Friday. Wow.  
2. The Lord provided a new surgeon, Dr. Arthur Woodward, quickly.  And one that I believe he has sent me to & that knows Him.
3. My family is awesome.  Y'all just are.  And friends, you're not so bad either =)  Thank you.
4. There are people praying all over the country.  Wow.  How amazing is it to know that someone from NC has taken this to their church - no one that knows me there, but a group of believers praying for me.  
5. God is still good.  He is still holy.  He is my victory.  He is all that I need.  He is my Abba.  I am a coheir with Christ!  (Galatians 4:4-7)

My song today - may it be yours too.

"Desert Song" by Hillsong United 

on the CD "Across the Earth: Tearing Down the Walls"

This is my prayer in the desert
And all that's within me feels dry
This is my prayer in my hunger and need
My God is the God who provides 

And this is my prayer in the fire
In weakness or trial or pain
There is a faith proved
Of more worth than gold
So refine me Lord through the flames

And I will bring praise
I will bring praise
No weapon formed against me shall remain
I will rejoice
I will declare
God is my victory and He is here

And this is my prayer in the battle
When triumph is still on it's way
I am a conqueror and co-heir with Christ
So firm on His promise I'll stand

All of my life
In every season
You are still God
I have a reason to sing
I have a reason to worship

This is my prayer in the harvest
When favor and providence flow
I know I'm filled to be emptied again
The seed I've recieved I will sow

Calendar, visitors & this thing called strength...

I just finished creating a Care Calendar.  If you would like to access it to sign up for a meal, you can log on at:

www.carecalendar.org  -  Calendar ID:  101330  -  Security Code:  1960

I put a dinner request on every day, starting Wednesday February 1.  This is so it gives anyone wanting to help through a meal the flexibility to pick a day that works best for them.  Please do not feel like the entire calendar needs to be filled.  I know my mom is planning on fixing a few things ahead of time.  And she is the contact on the calendar, so give her a ring or send her a text if you'll be bringing something by that day, or just have a question. 

I have also been asked by a few people about visiting me in the hospital.  Honestly, I don't have an answer for you.  I have no idea what I'll feel like, what I'll be like, anything.  So if you would like to visit, just shoot me a text message ahead of time.  If you don't hear back from me, assume that if I can't respond, I'm probably not up for visitors that day...

Thank you deeply, everyone that has been sending me emails, texts, or comments on here.  I have read each one & saved them.  And yes, I have thought about printing them on cool paper & creating a scrapbook of encouragement to look back at & one day share with my girls - so they can see God's people & His love through them. (meaningful & crafty!)  It is encouraging to read & I am blessed knowing so many people are praying.  

A lot of you have expressed that my strength is inspiring, how strong I am, etc... Let me be perfectly honest.  I am not strong.  I am an unbalanced, anxious, scared, emotional, hot mess.  Any strength you see is most certainly not mine.  The strength you have noticed is what I am being given by my God.  He is the only strength in the middle of this.  His Word (the Bible) is packed full of promises He gives us & reminders that He is all we need.  And I cling to each & every one.

Psalm 18:1-3  I love you, O Lord, my strength.  the Lord is my rock & my fortress & my deliverer, my God, my rock, in whom I take refuge, my shield & the horn of my salvation, my stronghold.  I will call upon the Lord, who is worthy to be praised, and I am saved from my enemies.

Isaiah 41:10  Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God, I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

Exodus 15:2  The Lord is my strength & my song.

Nehemiah 18:10  Do not be grieved, the joy of the Lord is your strength.

Psalm 28:7  The Lord is my strength & my shield; in Him my <3 trusts & I am helped, my <3 exults & with my song I give thanks to Him

Psalm 46:1-3  God is our refuge & strength, a very present help in trouble.  Therefore we will not fear though the earth gives way; though the mountains be moved into the heart of the sea, though its waters roar & foam, tough the mountains tremble at this swelling.

I could keep going... There are so many places where God talks about Him being our strength.  I feel like I think I might have a tiny clue as to what Peter felt out on that water.  (Matthew 14:22-34)  Around him is complete chaos.  And in the instant that he freaks out about his surroundings & takes his eyes off Jesus, he sinks.  Was that his strength keeping him walking on those waves?  I'm gonna venture to say no, due to basic laws of physics... It was the strength given to him through Jesus.  And when he doubted, when he lost focus, when he thought about being out there all alone on his own strength, he sank.  It was Christ keeping him afloat.  And it was Christ who reached out his hand to pull him back up.  So I have times I am focused & walking, and times I'm splashing around aimlessly bc I lost my focus for just a moment.  (and times when that changes by the minute!)  But it is always Christ that keeps me afloat, lifts me up & gives me the strength to keep going.  I'm not gonna lie, I want Him to use His power to calm the storm around me like he has before - I like that miracle a bit more right now. (Matthew 8:23-27)  But I'm ok with knowing He's there for me in the middle of this mess.  Grace to trust. 

So one song has just be plastered on me today, so I sat down, wrote out the lyrics & then cross referenced them in the Bible.  How amazing is it to sit & listen & sing a song that is full of Gods promises!  Words taken straight from His Word!  If you ever get the chance to listen to any of the songs I write about on here, please do - I pray they bless you as they have blessed me.  And I pray they draw you into His Word to know that they are so much more than lyrics to music, but promises of our Heavenly Father!  And if I ever figure out how to put music on this blog, you bet I sure will!  Music is in my blood.  I feel blessed that the music I have chosen to listen to has impressed God's Word on my heart & in my head bc I need that so much right now...  So my song of the day (actually, it's one of my life theme songs right now) & my tool to help me focus on Christ:

Newsboys - "Your Love Never Fails"  (also from their new "God's Not Dead" worship CD)

Nothing can separate                                   Romans 8:37-39
Even if I run away
Your love never fails                                    Lamentations 3:22
I know I still make mistakes
You have new mercy for me everyday         Lamentations 3:23
Cause Your love never fails

You stay the same through the ages
Your love never changes                             Hebrews 13:8 
There may be pain in the night
But joy comes in the morning                       Psalm 30:56
And when the oceans rage
I don’t have to be afraid                              Psalm 46:1-3
Because I know that You love me
Your love never fails

The wind is strong and the water’s deep      Psalm 46:1-3
But I’m not alone here in these open seas
Cause Your love never fails
The chasm is far too wide                           Romans 8:37-39
I never thought I’d reach the other side
But Your love never fails

You make all things work together for my good  Romans 8:28
You make all things work together for my good

Oh for grace to trust

Of all the things I have asked for in this life, none have been more needed than my latest request: "Oh for grace to trust".  You see, this whole blog is being created bc my world has just been shaken like a little snow globe - hard, fast & dizzying.  Two days ago I walked into a doctor's office for another test to help identify the source of health issues I've been having the last 19 months.  Just another test I thought - one of many underwent during those months.  I walked in praying that I could finally have an answer.  God granted my request.  He answered my long standing prayer & I received my answer.  I, a 28 year old mother of 2, have colon cancer.  There is a large mass in my lower left colon that has been the source of all my pain, cramping, weight loss, fatigue, anemia, unexplained issues, etc... Pathology, a PET scan & blood tests confirm it is malignant.  My very first thought was "oh GOD, my girls... my girls..."  I have two daughters:  Kayla, who is 3 1/2 & Leah, who is 1 1/2. 

My two cuties!

There is nothing in this world I wouldn't do for these two little girls.  And the idea that I could be taken away from them at such a young age, scared me more than the disease itself.  I have been through many trials in my life, but nothing can compare to that feeling.  And nothing has driven me harder & faster to my knees.  I cried out "God, WHY would you give me these amazing children only to take me from them & not allow me to raise them!?"  Which brings me to my biggest & latest request of God: "Oh for grace to TRUST".  I need His grace to TRUST that this is in HIS control.  That this shocking diagnosis was of no shock to Him - it is simply the next step in the path He laid out for me since the beginning of time.  Psalm 139:13-16 tells me that...

^"13 For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. ¹⁴ I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. ¹⁵ My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place, when I was woven together in the depths of the earth. ¹⁶ Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be."  

He knew this was coming.  And so I ask for His grace to trust Him to guide me through it.  And I will come THROUGH it.  I will raise my daughters.  I will grow old with my husband.  I will come out on the other side with a testimony of God's power, strength & gentleness.  

4th of July

 I have a LOT to say, and I will post my thoughts along the way... sometimes they will be my ramblings & jumbles of thoughts.  Sometimes they will be prayers.  A lot will probably be song lyrics God has pressed on my heart.  Some will just be brief updates from myself, or my dad, or my husband.  Some may be a simple prayer request or praise.  But all will speak about the mighty God that I serve.  All will shout of His wondrous glory.  For He is worthy of our praise, even in this storm.  He is still good.  He is still holy.  He is still God.  And I am still his child.  I am still a sinner saved by His grace.  And He still loves me enough that He sent His Son, Jesus Christ, to die on a cross & rise again for ME.  A God that loves me enough to do that, and a God that is powerful enough to do that, is a God that can & will love me & lead me through this.

So to update everyone on the last 3 days & where things stand logistically, I'll stick with bullets for now.

1. I have a malignant tumor is my lower left colon
2. It must be surgically removed via a colon resection
3. It is high enough that I will not need a bag (PRAISE GOD!)
4. The PET scan shows activity only in the area of the tumor (another praise! - see #9)
5. I was able to meet with a surgeon this afternoon & will confirm my day/time on Monday morning
6. My surgery will most likely be Tuesday or Wednesday next week
7. My surgeon is hopeful that it can be done laprscopically
8. I will be at Montgomery General Hospital in Olney, MD
9. I will be in the hospital 5-10 days
10. I will be 3-6 weeks to return to pre-surgery strength
11. Since the PET scan is clean, if biopsies come back clean from the lymph nosed taken out during surgery, I will not need chemo (praise & HUGE prayer request!)
12. If (and I'm including this "if" bc I choose to claim it in Jesus' name) I am cancer free for 5 years, I will be considered cured & have an almost 0% chance of it coming back.

Me & my hubby Jason

I will put up a Care Calendar for those of you wonderful people who have already offered to help.  With a lengthy hospital stay & long recovery, I know the rest of my family will be very blessed by any meals, since I'm the cook around here...(my folks are too, especially my mom, but I'm sure they'll be rather stretched as they bounce between me & helping with the girls)

So there ya have it.  My first post on my first ever blog.  I've always thought about starting a blog about my family/crafts/etc... I never in a MILLION  years thought I would ever start a blog bc I have cancer.  Do you know how hard that even is to type!?!?  I have cancer.  I. Have. Cancer.  Well, I may "have" cancer.  But I also HAVE the God of the universe on my side.  And like good ol' Veggie Tales says "God is bigger than the boogie man.  He's bigger than Godzilla, or the monsters on TV.  God is bigger than the boogie man, and He's watching out for you & me." 

My prayer requests:

1. Grace to TRUST
2. Strength on all fronts - physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually.
3. Peace "that passes all understanding" (Philippians 4:7)
4. Sleep
5. For my surgeon, Dr. Arthur Woodward.  That God guides his hands & eyes to the right spot quickly & he is able to remove what he needs to completely through laproscopic means.  FYI:  I know beyond any doubt that God has led me to this surgeon.  Upon walking into his office, I was greeted with a Bible on the table, multiple pieces of art containing "The Master Physician" and him telling me he will be praying for me & (I quote) "we'll get to laying on of hands later".  And that I can call him or his secretary (who is his sister & believes as well) anytime, day or night, to talk.
6. For any & all nurses, doctors, techs, etc I see - that God would give them what they need to properly care for me & that God gives me the opportunities to share His love with them.
7. For my family - all of them.  My girls, my husband, my parents, etc... They need His strength just as much - maybe not physically...but I know how hard it would be for me to see Jason or one of my babies go through this...
8. Most important.  That God would be continually GLORIFIED during this entire journey.  I may never know or understand His will.  But I don't have to.  I just have to continue to praise Him & pray that He will be glorified in this & through this.

So I leave you with lyrics to the song on my heart today:   "Pouring It Out" from the Newsboys (on their new God's Not Dead CD)

O for grace to trust
O for strength to love
O to cast my cares down at your feet
O for feet to dance
O for a heart to romance
O for lungs to lift your name so high

My hands go up, giving you glory
I just can't get enough
You are so worthy, Lord
I'll keep pouring it out for you
My cup is overflowing
With your perfect love
You're all I'm longing for
I'll keep pouring it out for you

O for faith to rise
O my soul come alive
O my God You are all I need
O for feet to dance
O for a heart to romance
O for lungs to lift your name so high

My heart and flesh they cry out holy
Jesus be my one and only joy